Unmitigated

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Dear So-and-So: Food Edition

Dear Thanksgiving Turkey,

Thanks. Really. I've missed you. 

Signed,

The other waddler.

Dear Brother-in-law,

Your pie-baking skills are hazardous to my waistline. Berry pie AND banana cream? How can I not try both?

Signed,

Uncomfortably full

Dear Sister-in-law,

Thank you for not asking me to shop with you at 5 a.m. Friday morning. But donuts? Really? I couldn't. Well, maybe just one...or two. Urgh.

Signed,

Needs to shop for a new size

There's links to more Dear So-and-So at 3 Bedroom Bungalow.

Great Interview Experiment: In Jayne's World

Citizen of the Month Neil Kramer is hosting a new Great Interview Experiment. I signed up the minute I saw it. A couple days later, raring to go, Jayne Martin of injaynesworld contacted me to let me know she was "ready for her close-up, Mr. DeMille." As soon as I read her profile, I knew she would call it how she sees it. And I was right about that. If you haven't signed up for Neil's project, I highly recommend it. It's a great way to meet new people and find new blogs to love. Last time, I found Chrisy! 

Do you remember which blog(s) you started reading first? 

 The first were Stepford Stories, Mommy’s Space, and Confessions of an Army Wife.  I’d met these gals over on the Divine Caroline website and we quickly became mutual fans and friends.  Tawnia from Mommy’s Space was the first to suggest I start a blog.  

You are a relative newbie at blogging, though not to writing. What inspired you to start your own blog?

 I started reading the blogs of my Divine Caroline friends.  Kristi and Tawnia especially were very encouraging and extremely helpful in getting me set up.  I had never really thought of a blog of my own.  I couldn’t imagine what I’d write.  Now, of course, you can’t shut me up.  

Your blogging tends toward the, pardon me, smart-ass side, and can be very funny. Yet your writing credits look more like dramas. Is there a comic in there, trying to get out?

While I’ve always been a smart-ass with my own skewed view of the world, I never thought I was particularly funny and would never have thought of myself as a “comedy writer” per se.   I think I always associated that with being able to write jokes and just never pursued it.   Also, in TV, once you became known as a dramatic writer, you were pretty much pigeon-holed as such.  Even now, I don’t think of myself as funny so much as “twisted,” and when others find that funny it’s a delicious surprise.  

You describe yourself as “an unapologetic, bleeding-heart liberal.” First, thank you for that, and second, how do you respond to people who think of “liberal” as an insult?

When someone hurls “liberal” at me as an intended insult my response is always, “If the worst someone ever accuses me of is being too compassionate, I can live with that.”   I strongly believe that those of us with liberal or progressives leanings are just, in general, more caring people.  Conversely, I believe that conservatives are, by and large, selfish, greedy, mother-fucking bastards who are responsible for all that is wrong with the world.  

You used to write for TV. What did you love about that, and what made you crazy about it?

Okay, well… The truth is what I liked best was the money and the health care and pension benefits.   God bless the Writer’s Guild.   It didn’t start out that way.   I was all altruistic and artistic in the beginning, but the reality of the business soon kicks the crap out of that, especially if you’re sensitive as most artists are.   I would always say, “Enjoy your first draft because that’s when you get to be a writer.  After that you become damage-control officer.”    Executives would fawn all over you in the beginning of the process, but as soon as you turned in that first draft they’d be on it like vultures on road kill.   The challenge then was to try to preserve the integrity of the story while addressing all the “notes” from those who thought they knew more about how to write a script that you did.   Ultimately, you acquiesced to their demands for changes because if you didn’t they’d just fire you and hire someone else to come in and fuck up the script.   Occasionally, I’d be blessed with a producer whose suggestions actually did improve the script and who would fight for me, but not often enough to prevent me from becoming cynical and jaded and eventually it became time for me to move on to other endeavors.

Who comes up with those movie titles on Lifetime?

Mostly, that would be me.   Although, a couple of times my title wasn’t sucky enough and the network would re-name it.   

What job would you love to try for a week, not for the money (said a fellow freelancer) just for the experience?

I’d love to be an environmental attorney for a group like “Earth Justice,”  or inhabit Gail Collins’ brain and get to experience her writing brilliance.  She’d have a helluva a time getting me to leave though.

I get the impression that you like horses. I know your Grandpa introduced you to them at three, but describe the first time you felt that connection.

I’ve never known a time in my life when I did not feel that connection.   Being with a horse is when I am most at peace.    

Any “Pearls of Wisdom” you’d like to share? Like your favorite kind of pie?

“The Stop On By Café & Laundromat” was an idea I had for a humorous advice-column-type of blog and I created the character of “Pearl”  -- 

 “Okay, now that’s enough.   I won’t have you misleadin’ these fine folks!” Pearl interrupted with great indignation.

“Uh-oh… Sorry, Pearl,” Jayne sheepishly replied. 

“Cain’t hardly get me a word in edgewise anymore!,” Pearl huffed.   “The truth is, I’m the real person here and Jayne is just front for my more cantankerous side.  In a small town like Wisdom, you just cain’t be lobbin’ F-bombs and such whenever you feel like it, so it was necessary for an outspoken gal like me to create herself one of them alter-egos.   I have to say though, it bothers me some to see how much more popular she is than I am and I’m thinkin’ that if more people don’t start stoppin’ by the Stop On By Café for my delicious pie and heartfelt advice, I may  just have to eliminate Jayne altogether.” 

How did you train the cows to give beer???

You can’t train them.   Some cows are just more gifted than others.  

RTT: Everything But the Kitchen Sink

Anyone know where that little idiom came from?

 

• Not in the Budget: Shopping e-mail lits to which I have recently unsubscribed: Barnes & Noble, Sears, JCPenney, Victoria's Secret, Eddie Bauer (whimper), Ann Taylor, Kohl's, Christopher & Banks, PLUS: Pickens Plan, Travel Ticker, the Democratic Party, University of Michigan Alumni, and Michigan Education Association. Sorry folks. I don't have the cash, and I don't want the temptation.
• On the other hand....businesses that support LGBT equality include Target, Amazon, Borders, B&N Costco, eBay, Sears, Walgreens, JCPenney, the Limited, Staples, CVS, Office Max, Home Depot, Nordstrom, Macy's Gap, and Levi. Those are just the ones I shop at regularly.
• The ones that can't have my money anymore? Kohl's, Foot Locker, Meijer, Wal-Mart (not that I shopped there in the first place), Dollar General, Bed, Bath & Beyond, Lowe's and Nine West.
• The Human Rights Campaign sent out the Holiday Buying for Equality Guide this week. Get the 2010 Buyer's Guide in PDF form here.
• Totally lame: everything but the kitchen sink

almost all that you can imagine of something Here's a website that simply has everything but the kitchen sink.

Etymology: based on the idea that if you brought many things to someone, a kitchen sink is one of the last things you would bring because it is difficult to move

• It's approaching 1:00a.m. Tuesday as I write this. I was asleep. I started coughing which woke me up. My back has been on the verge of spasm for a couple days now, so I panicked when I was coughing thinking it would push me over the edge, but it didn't.
• And I remembered I hadn't done this yet. So I got up for a bit.
• One evening, around 7:00 p.m., I ordered a pair of gym shoes for my son through Zappos. They arrived the next morning before 10:00 a.m. I was flabbergasted.
• Current reads: almost done with Marrying George Clooney by Amy Ferris. I'm reading that one for a review on my blog. About halfway through The Gathering Storm, Winston Churchill's fascinating story of the lead up to World War II. I realized I knew more about Tudor England than I did of any recent history. I've heard this Winston kid has a real future.
• Quick! Cover up the RTT badge. How many of the objects on it can you name without looking at it?
• Go see Keely for more Random Tuesday Thoughts.

All the stuff I forgot to include at an hour I am usually in dreamland:

• There are two- count 'em!- two new posts up at Unfocused for your viewing pleasure.
• The Captain displays the usual zombie magic at his fingertips over at the Zombie News Network
• My family recipe for the best.stuffing.ever. can be found this year at the Women's Colony. Ladies, be sure to visit all the rooms while you are there. I promise it will be worth your time!

Accidental Friends

Through a slip of someone else's fingers in the cut-and-paste business, I got to meet Marcy Massura of The Glamorous Life Association. This is Marcy...

She interviewed me on her blog on Saturday, and I wanted my readers to meet her, too. Marcy is funny, and gorgeous, and has one of the sassiest blogs in town. Hope you enjoy the interview.

As a fellow photo geek, I have to ask about your equipment. For taking pictures, I mean.

I shoot 99% of the photos on my site and even on Orange County Daily Photo on a small point and shoot Canon SD950. But if I am being SERIOUS or doing portraits? I use my old Canon 10D. Its old but I have really good lens (L series lenses from Canon. Wide angle and many zoom too). I have a couple Kodak cameras that work nice too for product shots around the house.

Do you find yourself looking at the world in different ways, as a blogger, a mom, and a photographer?

Not really. What I find is a sense of relief that now I finally have an appropriate outlet for how I have been looking/thinking about the world all these years. But the more I blog, the more I think. So that has changed. I find I can find the funny in just about everything now. It has helped hone my comedy skillz for sure.

Who was the best teacher you ever had, and why?

Mr. Sawaya-English & Philosophy in 12th grade. He was consistent, honest and brilliant. And he rose to MY LEVEL. He was able to understand where I was headed with a story or thought and gave me the tools to make it happen. Not just to do the bare minimum- but to excel. He made me believe I could do ANYTHING. And he seemed to be a huge fan of mine. He once told me “you have a strange way of seeing the world Marcy. A funny way. And the world loves that. Be sure to give that to the world”

Do you have a political stance? 

Ahhhh no. And yes. But a political stance is death to a blog. Well to a COMEDY blog like mine. People tend not to laugh if they hate they way you think. I basically have political opinions on a case by case, point by point thing. But I will say I HATE with passion Palin.  Of course I hate Dooce too.

So there is that. Which isn’t much

I have to say you totally rock the “bangs” look, “fringe” for the U.K. readers. Did you ever have an unsuccessful haircut/salon experience?

Um, yeah. I used to host a linky thing on my blog called “Sincerely FRO me to You”….it paid homage to the great perm debacle of 1980. Most of those posts are in my MarcyThen section on my site. http://marcywrites.com/category/marcythen/ Along with tons of other mortifyingly embarrassing photos of myself. Cuz I am clearly insane.

What was the last thing you did that was completely out of character for you?

I cried. Today. And it shocked me. Why? I was at the dentist. He told me I needed a root canal and crown. I had never even had a cavity before! And so I cried. Out of fear really. And anyone who knows me would have been shocked. I am the ‘strong one’. The one who can handle it all. Apparently that is limited to dental work. Who knew?

I love that you practiced your Oscar and Emmy acceptance speeches with a French accent as a kid. If you had to adopt an accent for a day, what would it be?

I do a mean mid-west accent. LOVE to embarrass the kids with it in public….French comes out too. But usually when I am cooking.

I know you love Care Bears, but which Scooby Doo character are you?

You have to ask??? THELMA. I pretty much look like her, act like her and I pretend to have all the answers. Of course I see her more like this these days…Kickin a** and takin names. And she doesn’t need that bubble head Daphney or metro sexual Fred to drag her down either…..Be nice to the smart girls. Cuz we pretty much run this show. 

Look Where I Was!

 

Look honey! It's that French Maid costume you always wanted me to try!

On Saturday, I was the GIRL Party guest at The Glamorous Life Association. Come back on Monday to learn more about Marcy, my hostess. She's HAWT. And yes, I looked just like that picture, except I couldn't figure out the garters, so I used some duct tape. What? Duct tape fixes everything!